Seinfeld is my personal favourite….love the show and have been watching it for almost 6 years now…. Yes reruns all the time..but still can’t get enough of Jerry and the group!!!!!!!!!!!!
An amazing comedy show which makes you cry from laughter…. An epitome of NOTHING… a very different type of comedy…. Nothing like this show ever happened before and might never happen again…. Enjoy these wonderful Seinfeld quotes!!!!
Jerry:A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.
Kramer - "The monkey should be apologising to me"
George- I am Art Vandelay, I am an Importer/Exporter
George-I am Art Vandelay, I am an architect
George's answering machine :
believe it or not George isn't at home,
please leave a messaaaaaaage at the beep.
i must be out, or i'd pick up the phone,
wheeeere could i bee ???
believe it or not i'm not homeee.........
George Costanza- "Yeah, I’m a great quitter: it’s one of the few things I do well… I come from a long line of quitters. My father was a quitter, my grandfather was a quitter… I was raised to give up"
Cheryl: You're a very serious person, aren't you?
Jerry: Well, with so many people in the world deprived and unhappy, it doesn't
seem like it would be fair to be cheerful.
Cheryl: I understand.
...
Cheryl: Do you ever laugh?
Jerry: Not really. Sometimes, when I'm in the tub.
Cheryl: That's so sad. What do you do?
Jerry: I'm a comedian
Steinberner: That boy Costanza....First in the morning, last one at night, I tell you that kid was a human dynamo!!
Estelle: Are you sure you're talking about George?
Jerry-“who would go to a superbowl with a mailman
who would go anywhere with newman”
George to Jerry: "we had an incredible conversation. we talked for like 20 minutes. I even threw away my notes in middle of the call"
George: what kind of man are you ?
Jerry: more or less like you , only successful
kramer and the zoo inspector
zoo inspector:that chimp is an innocent primate
Kramer:....so am i
Kramer: we can have a cofee table book on coffee table books...isnt it interesting?
George: Hey believe me, baldness will catch on. When the aliens come, who do you think they're gonna relate to? Who do you think is going to be the first ones getting a tour of the ship?
Jerry: The baldies
George: He purposely mispronounced my name. Instead of saying "Costanza", he'd say "Can't-stand-ya, can't stand ya!". He made me smell my own gym socks once.
Kramer on marriage: wise words from Kramer
KRAMER: Absolutely not. I mean, what are you thinking about, jerry? Marriage? Family?
JERRY: Well...
KRAMER: They're prisons. Man made prisons. You're doing time. You get up in the morning. She's there. You go to sleep at night. She's there. It's like you gotta ask permission to use the bathroom. Is it all right if I use the bathroom now?
JERRY: Really?
KRAMER: Yeah, and you can forget about watching TV while you're eating.
JERRY: I can?
KRAMER: Oh, yeah. You know why? Because it's dinner time. And you know what you do at dinner?
JERRY: What?
KRAMER: You talk about your day. How was your day today? Did you have a good day today or a bad day today? Well, what kind of day was it? Well, I don't know. How about you? How was your day?
JERRY: Boy.
KRAMER: It's sad , Jerry. It's a sad state of affairs..
JERRY: I'm glad we had this talk.
KRAMER: Oh, you have no idea.
Cosmo Kramer: Jerry, I am retiting...
Jerry: You cant do that..You have to be doing something to retire from
Kramer:"These eggs are bad.This chicken should be ashamed of itself!!"-this one's firm
Kramer talking to his boss in the office
Boss: Kramer, I am looking at this reports that you have prepared, but this is all useless
Kramer: Well, I worked very hard, late nights to prepare this reports
Boss: I dont know all that but I think that we will have to let you go from the company
Kramer: Well, I was never with your company, I was never hired.
Boss: Thats the problem
When he cooks (sautées) himself in the sun, wearing butter all over his body:
Kramer-"Stick a fork in me, Jerry. I am done"
Kramer: "Hey Elaine, what do you say, if neither of us is married in ten years, we get hitched?"
Elaine: "Make it fifty."
Kramer: "We're engaged!"
Kramer-"aaaah .. look away jerry, i'm hideous!!"
Kramer-'Half man half pig!!!!!!!!!"
After 72 hours of non stop cigar smoking.
Kramer: (looking at his reflection in a toaster) Im all craggly!
Jerry: What'd you expect? You've experienced a lifetime of smoking in 72 hours!
Kramer: Emphysima, Birth defects, cancer ... but not this ... look away Jerry, I'm hideous!
George-"JERRY, JUST REMEMBER, IT'S NOT A LIE IF YOU BELIEVE IT"
George-"You know I always wanted to pretend I was an architect."
George-"Why can't I have a heart attack? I'm allowed!"
George-"Pity's very underrated. I like pity. It's good."
George-"I always get the feeling that when lesbians look at me, they're thinking, 'That's why I'm not a heterosexual.'"
George-"You should've seen her face. It was the exact same look my father gave me when I told him I wanted to be a ventriloquist."
George-"It became very clear to me sitting out there today that every decision I've made in my entire life has been wrong. My life is the complete opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have, in every aspect of life, be it something to wear, something to eat - it's all been wrong."